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Too Much

I learned to love

like everything is on the verge of ending.

Forgive me if I take too much today

Forgive me if I need you to remind me

you’ll be here tomorrow.

Power

The greatest lie I ever told myself

is that I chose

to give you the power

to ruin me

Search

Today I searched you up again.

Sometimes when I’m lonely

I find an unsettling comfort

in the pain your happiness brings me

I like the way it connects me to you

a derelict, empty hope

that you may be as lonely as me

looking up at the same sky

missing me too

Today I searched you up again.

I looked at those same soft sad eyes

that once laid singular claim to my love

and I felt nothing

I’ve been losing you for years

over and over again

in everything we shared.

I think today may have been the last time

I’m going to miss missing you

Hollowing

What if all that I create

never outpaces the hollowing?

Then what?

Remembering You

Cowardice and Courage

I paint myself

a painful, dangerous, destructive thing to love

so that my loneliness

is a product of courage

not of cowardice