Old Friend

This is a two parter - Return and Scorched Earth The first depicts the terrible calm of a relapse into depression The second is how it feels to weaponize anger to claw oneself out of depression

If I’m being honest, I think the second part is the better of the two lol

Return

Welcome Home

No one warns you

How warmly she welcomes you

How comforting and sober she sounds

They dont tell you

How confidently she lays claim

To the voice of Reason

How gently she wields it

to suggest

Maybe Hope

was never part

of the Real You

She crafts apathy

from the wonders of the world

weaves calm

Out of the viscous black

How terrifyingly peaceful it is

that Depression

feels like coming home

How every time

you wonder

if you’ll ever leave again

Cry Wolf

You never really overcome anxiety

you just learn to doubt yourself

in the most productive way possible

the deep breathing never stills your heart

the counting never focuses your mind

death

never stops its teasing

You simply learn

that your body

is not to be trusted

when it cries wolf

and you pretend that calm

is a matter of the mind

alone

Still

I’ve always wondered

what I’d do

if the wolf finally came

for that poor

scared

boy

Screaming

Inside me

Every memory

Every emotion

I’ve ever had

is Screaming

all at once

                        Make It Stop

It’s so loud

                        make it stop

There’s no room

in here

For me

Anymore

                        Make it stop

it Burns

make it stop

make it stop

 make it stop

Enough

I need to rest

             you haven't done enough

That’s all I have

             it's not enough

There’s always tomorrow

             you're not enough

I’m trying

              Not. Enough.

I’m sorry